I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
