I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize