I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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