Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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