Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
