I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
