I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
