I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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