This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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