I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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