Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
