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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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