maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
