Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
