you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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