The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
