First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize