dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
