I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
