I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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