It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
