if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
