i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So much rum. So many feels.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
