she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
