How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
