Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
