i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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