i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your penis caused this!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
