I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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