Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
