I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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