You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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