i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
