am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
