I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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