So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize