I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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