hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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