I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
