awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
