I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
