He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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