like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
