I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Still dying that you shit outside
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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