At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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