Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
