her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
