the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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