i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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