Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
