i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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