I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
