I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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