Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
