There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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