Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
