question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
