All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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