why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
