Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A+ Viking dick
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
