John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
