In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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