Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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