part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
