so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
