Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
